No more babies

I can't believe my little man is ONE today.

A whole year has passed - I feel like I blinked and it was over.

He dove right in during  his cake smash (which can be found in it's entirety here: CAKE SMASH PHOTOS 

But today was his birthday.

Today we celebrated with homemade pancakes (thanks, daddy!) (and pictures to come). Then we went to my gym for some free play - the kids seemed to love it. Little boy got tired and even lied on the floor, sucking his thumb for a few minutes :o)

After that, we went to the Disney store where the girls each picked a stuffed animal (D - a red Minnie and B - a Goofy). Since it was the little boy's birthday (and they were having a buy 1 get 1 free sale) he got to pick 2 - a Pluto and a Donald. And because I'm a bit of a sucker, we got 4 mini toys, too - mainly for the car - Lotso, Dolly, the unicorn and Bullseye (which E LOVES!).

After that we celebrated with Dinner at Chili's and a birthday song! They were all pretty tuckered out, so it was home for a bath and storytime.

I can't help but feel inexplicably sad though. It's a happy day, for sure, but I don't know. I'm sad to not have a baby anymore. I know it's so, so tough, but I'm going to miss it. We drove right near where he was born and I kept thinking it just doesn't feel like it's been a whole year.

I wish I could take back all the times I was so frustrated that he'd only sleep on me, because now he doesn't do that any more. I wish I had the husband actually take the picture that I kept meaning to take - of little boy passed out after his noon feeding in my arms - because now he gets a real lunch and doesn't do that anymore. And I don't have the picture I kept meaning to take. I kind of wish I had nursed longer, because I won't again. I wish that when I felt so overwhelmed by having someone on me all.day.long that I could have realized how quickly it would actually go - and how fast I'd miss it. The bedtime bottle is gone - now it's a sippy cup with dinner.

Tonight he sat in my lap sucking his thumb as Daddy read the bedtime story, and I was so glad he did - because the past 2 nights he's wanted very little to do with sitting still in my lap, and I'm just not ready to give it up yet. Because I know before long he'll be a full fledged toddler, having his own opinions (and voicing them!), not wanting to cuddle and only wanting to run around. So for now, I'm soaking in what remains of baby-hood, despite the fact that he looks like such a little boy now.